Coming clean

Hey Internet


      I wanted to talk to you guys, about something I have been struggling with, as well the power of sharing with people the battles and things you are dealing with. (Ecclesiastes :4:12) I want to say that if you looked at my previous post called "internal conflict," I mention lust and being tempted by the enemy. In this post I want to bring out details about my battle with it, and that I am still dealing with lustful issues, such as masturbation as well as pornography.  Before you turn away, you may ask why am I doing this, and honestly because Jesus told me to is the simple answer, but I did not do this for you, and frankly I don't care if you stop following me because of it.

    I felt on my heart, that I need to get to a place where the only person I need and want to depend on is Jesus. Not the addiction, not the masturbation not lustful pride, anxiety, not this or that, not my boy friend, or girlfriend, my wife or my husband, but to be dependent on Christ and who he is, and better yet to stand firm on who he says that I am. (Ephesians 2:10, Psalms 46:1)

    We haven't gotten to the why yet, why am I doing this, why am I saying come clean about things in your life, the struggle that you have been through, the struggle and things you are currently dealing with? Simple answer again, is there is power in your testimony, there is power in your walk. " Death and life are in the power of your tounge, they that love it shall eat the fruit" ( Proverbs 18:21) You as an individual, as you tell people about the things in your life, about the things you are dealing with, about the pride and lust about the problems in your life, it takes power away from the enemy. WHY?

       Because, what is the enemies job, to isolate you, to make you feel that you are worthless, to make you feel like you can not fight back, to make you feel that you have to depend on yourself, to make you depressed, to make you think no one love you, to make you think you are damaged, to make you feel you are a slave to the things of your past. (John 10:10)  Why? because he is scared of you, he knows you have the holy sprit living inside of you that is more powerful than the things you are facing, you are more powerful then the enemy. It doesn't seem that way, but Satan's only weapon he has is deceit, is the lies he is telling you. So you made it this far, I want to ask you something, Satan's only real power is the power over us we allow him to have. So the fear we feel to step out and be bold, to step out and tell someone your story, to tell someone your past. To share your personal relationship with God. That is the enemy trying to stop you from doing the very thing God called you to do. " heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons. " ( Matthew 10:8 )

   I did not write this for you guys, I wrote it to break the chains of my own heart, and to step out in faith to do the things that scare me. My prayer is this, that we can step out of our fear and into the faith that can not be broken, that can not be unafraid. ( 2 Timothy 1:7) But to an increased desire with you, and with who you called us and made us to be, because of Christ we are made free, and with him in us, we are called to be conquerors.

(Romans 8: 31-39)
³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³ Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”^[a]

³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Internal conflict

Hey internet,

Well I'm not going to try and tell you guys about a particular topic. I want to actually get deep and tell you guys something that's going on in my life. To start, my mother is possibly on her death bed. My father, as loving as he is suffers from chronic depression, my sister is developmentally delayed, and has both ADD, and ADHD. regardless of what I deal with family wise, I wanted to talk to you about how I felt and why, and what the enemy was doing, regardless. I am doing what I think Jesus has put on my heart.

To start I have been lustful, and my girlfriend as well as myself new it was an issue and felt the best course of action was to not be in a relationship until we worked through these issues. It was the beginning when we broke up, and even why we were together I knew it was something Jesus was working on. I said okay to the break up. Time and time again I would lust and fall, and I kept asking Jesus to take it. He said he will but I was hanging on to it. It said one thing, your mind may want to get rid of something, and know that what you are doing is wrong, its another thing to do it and say it with your heart. I knew that lust of the flesh was keeping my physical self fine, but my heart was being ripped apart, I kept finding myself distancing my relationship from God.

So this lasted for weeks, and I new my relationship between myself and him needed to be repaired. So I went to church and the preacher said lets burry it, get baptized. I was like okay, ( I will do a baptism thing later) So I did, and to make a long story short I lust was broken off my life. Now I told you that to tell you this. Rest in the truth of what he did in your life. Let me explain.

I would sit at home an I would start getting this whisper from Satan, yeah go ahead, lust Robbie It will feel good, you can disobey God you are already forgiven what's one more time going to hurt. You can do it. I then heard this presence and I know it was Jesus and he was talking to Satan. He said why are you trying to tempt my son, you know he and I are one, he is covered in my blood he is righteous, he doesn't need to lust to feel satisfied he knows that I love him, that I died for him and that regardless of the situation he is mine and he is uniquely and wonderfully made that I have a plan and a purpose over his life, and his weakness, this battle is all apart of my plan and that my strength is made perfect in his weakness. So be gone Satan you have no authority over him anymore.

I wanted to tell you all that tonight, that the enemy or that thing that is in control over your life, it doesn't have to be, and if you want to break free of that thing, and claim victory in Jesus and except him as your lord and savior, just say this prayer.


Dear heavenly father,
I confess with my mouth that you sent your son Jesus to die for me. I pray that you forgive me of my sins ( you can list them) and I desire to be in a relationship with you, and that I can have eternal life with you forever in heaven. I pray this in Jesus name

Amen.

Emergency

Hey people who follow this blog, or read as they just happen to be going through I felt it on my heart to talk about an issue that was and is very near and dear to me. Also I wanted to say thank-you because if you know me I am not a very loud person and this helps me share my heart, I do apologize, I need to do more of these.

I did cut at one point in my life, almost three years ago, right at the end of high school, I knew I needed help and lied to my counselor saying I did not self harm. About two years later I relapsed and did it one more time. It was my brother and my girlfriend who basically said you do it again I will stab you. I took that to heart, this experience was almost two years ago, so I thank you. Now, don't think that I am going to talk about my experience and really just be a downer.

There was a verse that Jesus showed me, and that I have known to just come to love, its Ephesians 2:10.  ¹⁰For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. This means that we are designed uniquely and intimately by God, to do what he prepared for us long ago. Which in turn means that you are loved, and you have a purpose.

So with that being said and depression drug usage suicide rates overdoses, things like that on the rise its imperative that those who follow Jesus share the love of Christ within them to those who are experiencing these issues themselves. I feel this on my heart depression that issue is the effect on some type of trauma that that individual is still hanging on to and it has allowed that issue to infect who you are, what you do, because that individual doesn't feel loved or hasn't dealt with that trauma.

The reason I am telling you this is tonight, a friend of mine recently told me I am going to die tonight and regardless of whether she yelled screamed kicked bit whatever I stayed up and texted her until they promised me that they weren't going to do that and went to sleep. Friends love people now more than ever because sometimes you just don't know what someone is experiencing. Or how much a simple hi may mean to someone.